Halloween jokes and riddles to tickle your funny bone!
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.
Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.
Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: By scareplane.
Q: What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
A: “Make a fright turn at the corner.”
Q: What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?
A: A poultry-geist.
Q: Why do ghosts go to baseball games?
A: Because they like to boo the umpire.
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: “How do you boo, sir. How do you boo.”
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your shocks and boos on.
Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.
Q: What tops off a ghost’s sundae?
A: Whipped Scream
Q: Why did the baby ghost go to the doctor before halloween?
A: To get a BOOster shot.
Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.
Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.
Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell “Boo!”
Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he’s always a goblin.
W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A. It raises their spirits.
Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn’t have a haunting license.
Q: Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
A: She had to give a screech.
Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy.
Q: Why did the witch’s mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.
Q: What is a witch’s favourite subject?
Q: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.
Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.
Q: Why do witches think they’re funny?
A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.
Q: What does a sorceress wear?
A: A bewitching outfit.
Q: What did the bat say to the witch’s hat?
A: You go on ahead. I’ll hang around for a while.
Q: Who has a broom and flies?
A: A jelly-covered janitor.
Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.
Q. What do you call a witch’s garage?
A. A broom closet.
Q. What do you call two witches living together?
Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.
Q: Why wasn’t the vampire working?
A: He was on his coffin break.
Q: Why did the vampire’s lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.
Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A. He was all bite and no bark.
Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.
Q. Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
A. Because of his coffin.
Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A. He heard it had great circulation.
Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
Q. What happened when two vampires met?
A. It was love at first bite!
Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.
Q. How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.
Q. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.
Q: What instrument does a skeleton play?
A: A trombone.
Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.
Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart
Q. Why do skeletons drink milk?
A. To help their bones!
Q. What is a Skeleton’s favorite song.
A. Bad to the Bone.
Q. Why can’t a Skeleton Lift Weights?
A. He’s all bone and no muscle.
Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating?
A. Bone appetite!
Monsters, Mummies and More
Q. What’s a monster’s favorite bean?
A. A human bean.
Q. What do you call a little monsters parents?
A. mummy and deady
Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A. Give him screws.
Q. What’s a monsters favorite desert?
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They wear masking tape.
Q. What is a Mummie’s favorite type of music?
A. Wrap music!
Q. Why don’t mummies take vacations?
A. They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. Because he was all wound up.
Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.
Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married?
Q. What can’t you give the headless horseman?
A. A headache.
Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.
Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the whenwolves.
Q: What’s a cold, evil candle called?
A: The wicked wick of the north.
Q: What’s a goblin’s favorite flavor?
A: Lemon Slime.
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
Q: What time is it if five demons are chasing you?
A: Five after one and time to run!
Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.
Q. The maker doesn’t want it. The buyer doesn’t use it. The user doesn’t see it. What is it? A. A coffin!
Knock, Knock. Who’s there?
Phillip! Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!